Thursday, March 8, 2012

It's Frackin' Friday Again!

You so know you want to vent. I know I'm not alone and Dazee, at Crazy Daze and Night Dreams, has given us the perfect venue. So write your post, grab the button, and link on up! I know I need it this week.

The last two weeks have been rather up and down for me. I started out last week with being told I've never done enough for someone else. The funny thing is that I have been told that for more years than I can count. Now I'm no psychologist or anything, but I have had extensive experience with low self-esteem and depression.

Depression can be one of two things. It is considered either clinical or temporary. Clinical depression is a permanent chemical imbalance. It is usually hereditary because the chemical makeup we all carry comes from others. The temporary depression normally is caused by a major life event. These are not the same as bipolar so don't think I've confused them.

Anyway, the gist of my previous paragraph was to set up the rest of the story. I have been through two major depressions in my life. Both of which were from major life events. In other words, I do not have clinical depression, but I have battled low self-esteem most of my life. We won’t go into why I have that, let’s just say it’s been a struggle.

When someone has low self-esteem, they already have the idea that they don’t measure up. The words, “You haven’t done enough for me” just serves to tell them they aren’t good enough for the person who repeatedly tells them that. It doesn’t matter what the self-esteem challenged person does, they will never do enough. The reason isn’t because they don’t try, it’s because the other person will never think enough of them to say “Good job”.

On top of that little phrase that makes a person feel hopeless, they are accused of making it all about themselves. What makes no sense to me is this. If the self-esteem challenged person is making it all about themselves, why is the other person repeatedly telling them they’ve never done enough for them? That other person is actually making it all about themselves.

The result is simple. The self-esteem challenged person knows they will never measure up to the other person. And think of it this way. Psychologists will tell you never to say those things to a child because they will grow up with an inferiority complex.

So before anyone judges me, they need to deal in the reality of the situation. When you continually put me down, you are telling me I’m not good enough. And I’m not taking it anymore.

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