Yes, I watch The Apprentice. Sue me! I love the Celebrity edition of the show and this year they have some rather interesting characters. I mean, how do you get Paul Sr. and George Takai on the same show? And that’s just the men. The women have a whole other problem. THEY CAN’T WORK TOGETHER!!! PETTINESS RUNS AMOK!!! And let’s just say I’m not a fan of Lisa Lampanelli.
Okay, now that’s out of my system, I can tell you the real reason for this post. I have something against most people. And I’m going to tell you why.
They are petty. They nitpick the daylights out of others. And they are just downright mean about it. They make fun of other people and talk to them in a very demeaning way that is meant to hurt and humiliate. This is why I don’t have many friends.
Some people have said it’s because I’m antisocial. That is actually untrue. I love talking to others and spending time with others. The problem is that I find they end up doing the exact same things that drive me crazy and disgusted.
I am not a petty person. I don’t think that picking someone apart is a good thing. Even if they are not a nice person, I’m not going to be calling them names or making fun of them. That is not me. I didn’t do that as a child and I still don’t. To this day, I think that stooping to name calling is a way to show how low a person can be. The same can be said for making fun of someone.
I’m not talking about family and friends who tease each other. That is actually a normal thing to do. It’s our human side that lets them know we care about them. That’s not to say that all family members understand it. It’s very important to know the difference between meanness and love.
There are people I’ve known in my life that would rather demean others than examine themselves and realize they are human too. You see, I had to examine myself…….hard. And for someone with low self esteem, it was a difficult journey.
Part of coming out of deep depression is changing your outlook on daily life. Every day is a search of yourself to find what needs to change and what kind of person you will be when you find it. I discovered a lot about myself through this.
I found out that I’ve never been a bad person although there are some who want me to stay in the “worthless” category they have put me in. I’ve been called names like lazy and cheater while never having done anything like that. I’ve been accused of things I’ve never done. I’ve even apologized for things I never did just to keep the peace. The only thing that ever did was make my self esteem worse.
I've been struggling with finding a job. The older I get the less my shoulder will take. Which means housecleaning jobs are not good for me anymore. Since I keep getting rejection letters, if anything at all, I haven't found anything. And I've been told that I don't do anything...ever. I'm tired of hearing that.
So there are some things I won't take any more. Anyone who thinks I don't do anything needs to readjust their thought processes. I may not be working now, but I have worked my butt off most of my life. Not always in a job, but I had four kids and one of them was handicapped.
Last year, I worked mandatory overtime, had an internship, and two classes. I got through all of that, passed my classes, and completed the internship. Can anyone say 90 hour weeks? Right now it's a problem with finding a job. But it isn't the norm for me anymore.
It wasn’t until I went back to school that I truly realized how much I’m worth. I can do things for myself and I am worth more than I used to think I was. I am not perfect and I accept that. I also accept I never will be. But I do know this.
I deserve to be appreciated not torn down.