Monday, July 19, 2010

In A Kingdom Far, Far Away





Since this is my fairy tale, be prepared, it will end the way I want it to. That means I’ll have the house I want, the man I want, and the life I want. Here goes.

Don’t get me wrong when I say I wish my life had turned out different. There would be some differences but I do not regret my life. If I had not married my husband, I would not have my 4 wonderful kids and that would be a horrible prospect for me. They are, in reality, my life. I’m not sure they truly understand that, but they will eventually. In addition, my youngest would never have had cancer but I would never have known her. She was also an awesome kid. I have included a picture of her here so you can enjoy her beautiful smile along with us who knew and loved her.

In Christy’s Kingdom, I would have a man who truly appreciates me. My husband thinks he knows me so well, but he makes assumptions about me that are so far off, I am in shock. His first reaction to anything I say is to think the worst of me. Because he does that, it just pisses me off and we spend a lot of time either angry or upset about it. How can you be with someone for that long and not really know who they are as a person? It boggles my mind to think that all these years have gone by and he thinks I’m out to take advantage or do him wrong. What amazes me even more is that he thinks he does everything right and does not take stock of himself. My opinion is that we all are human and we ALL make mistakes. So if he expects everyone around him to analyze their actions, he should not be self-righteous and say he doesn’t screw up. Right? You would think after all this time I would not be shocked, but I am still taken aback when he does it.

Christy’s Kingdom would also have a house that I had some say in. It would have bedrooms bigger than closets and the closets would be bigger than boxes. (And, no, I did not choose this house. It has an attached garage that’s almost as big as the house.) There is not enough room for my stuff.

The last part of Christy’s Kingdom would have to do with my career. I am in school working toward a Bachelor’s in Business Administration. I would love to have a job that gave me great satisfaction, paid well enough for me to make decisions, and allowed me to live where I wanted to live. It would also give me the means to travel the way I want to, go to the places I want, and be on my travel schedule.

There you have it. I am at a place in my life where I don’t have small children in the house and am ready to find out about me. I put me aside for so many years to concentrate on kids, one of whom had serious medical issues, and am just now getting to the place where I think it might be time for me. I know that sounds selfish, but I don’t care. I have spent more than half my life doing for others and it’s time for me to have some things I want. So I’m going to take it. It may mean moving away from my kids because I cannot even get an interview in this area. I may have to go where the jobs are. It would be a new adventure for me that I will probably relish. I love change. It keeps things exciting, interesting, and most importantly, challenging. Give me a challenge and I am euphoric. You all wanted to hear this, didn’t you? I know you did. You live for my posts ‘cause you know I’m blunt and that is entertaining.

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5 comments:

  1. I hope you are able to make all the changes in your life that will make you happy and feel satisfied. Hang in there!

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  2. That's not selfish at all!! I love my kids & wouldn't trade them for the world, but when they leave, its Mommy-time. Its only selfish if you concentrate on yourself and hurt your under 18 children in the process.

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  3. totally not selfish. I think we all get to that point. Im kind of there now myself. We will find our ways...of that I am sure.

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  4. if anyone has earned the right to be a selfish bitch it's you! so you get on out there and selfish-bitch yourself to your heart's content. And? til you find exactly what you're lookin' for! hugs...

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  5. Sounds like the beginning of a new COOL adventure! Got your eyes set on a particular area? Wow, I'm thrilled for you, looks like you've made hefty decisions and i sense a lot a emotional posts coming soon! I'm behind you every inch of the way (being that I don't REALLY know you and all, but at least you get MY vote)

    GO GIRL!!!

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